Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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