Screwed.edu
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
