I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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