When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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