I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
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