i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
