Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
