he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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