walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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