ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
