just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
whose parrot is this?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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