This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
