about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
