I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
