Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
