No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
