thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm sobbing to NWA
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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