Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
