Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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