We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
