omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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