I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
