Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
