I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
