Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
