k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
worst night to have a conscience
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
