some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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