1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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