If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
