Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I need to calm my uterus...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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