I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
