think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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