You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
