i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize