he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
