I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
