So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
