Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
