My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
