god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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