Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
