Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
