I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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