You're my little dorito
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
