The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
