wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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