i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I cockslap morals
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
