Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
