I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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