Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
