I just pynch a tree in the face
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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