So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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