I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Found your dick twin last night
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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