Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
