why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
