so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
