i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
