So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
