Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
