So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
soo... how was my night?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
