i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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