I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
