You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
