Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
