I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
