What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
