respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
