I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
