You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
